Secret Series Conclusion
{link up your secrets}
A Step Momma’s Secret:
I’m ashamed of my secret but I know that others may share the same one.
I’m not sure that I like my step-children,
and I’m not sure that I like my husband sometimes due to his children.
I try really hard to like them-I really do.
I try to plan birthday parties, or help with homework, or even something like making dinner or helping clean their rooms.
I seek help through counseling and on-line step-mom groups.
Its not working. I feel like a complete failure.

A Self Concious Secret:
I have been married for almost 5 months.
I have put on some weight since we got engaged in April,
and I am super self conscious about it.
My husband tells me that he can’t tell and that I am beautiful.
I just can’t agree with him.
I am getting where I don’t want him to touch me or see me because I feel so uncomfortable with myself.
I hate that I feel like he is just lying to me.
I just feel helpless and like I’m not good enough for him anymore.
A Defeated Wife’s Secret
It’s late.
I should be in bed.
Because all I can think about is the fact that the man sleeping next to me-
has images of other women in his head.
YES. MY husband has a problem with PORNOGRAPHY.

This sad fact came to my attention about a month ago.
Due to job schedules, my husband and I were apart for a month at the beginning of the summer and a month at the end. Apparantly my husband’s ample free time led him to explore on the computer.
WHAT STARTED AS INNOCENT– browsing on the internet for something work or school or hobby related- turned worse as sidebar images of women in bikinis popped up.
Now being from southern California, this was not an umcommon sight for him. But something struck his fancy and he persued it.
Eventually he found himself SEARCHING FOR PORNOGRAPHY.
He knew it was wrong,
that it was degrading his marriage,
that it would injure his relationship with God.
But he still did it.
All the while I had NO IDEA.
When we were together during the summer, the problem “WENT AWAY.”
But when I left, he turned to images of OTHER WOMEN to keep him company.

He CONFESSED to me about a month ago.
I was shocked,
you name it.
But he was seeking help and truly seemed like he wanted to START OVER and sought sincere forgiveness. I was angry, but how could I not forgive the MAN I LOVE for falling into Satan’s trap? So life moved on.
I thought things were going better.
He even installed computer software to protect from pornography. The password was even “I LOVE MY WIFE”.
I thought the days of pornography were in the PAST…

When I found out that my husband was AGAIN looking at pornography.
Now I am not just hurt. I am CRUSHED, I am not just angry, I am FURIOUS and RESENTFUL.

Why him?
Why me?
Am I not a good enough wife?
Do I not please him?
Is it that apparant I’ve missed the gym the past… 5 months?
He assures me that is not the case at all.
I do not understand, how he could let the power of Satan influence him to the point that he would push the boundaries of damaging or destroying our marriage. Sure, he seems repentant now and says, “I”LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN,” but I’VE HEARD THAT BEFORE.
Is it the end?
Will I ever be able to feel confortable in his arms.
Will I ever be able to know that I am the ONLY WOMAN he is thinking about? Or picturing?

And who can I confide in? NO ONE.
Because they will JUDGE my husband.
And goodness knows I am doing enough of that right now.
And I do not want that for him.
HE is having a hard time as it is, without friends and family chastising or ridiculing him.
And also because I LOVE HIM…with all my heart.
Even if he does have a problem… Heaven help me…
It’s me again, Ashley
Well what can I say,
Secret Week has been inspiring,
but it has also been heart wrenching and emotional.
Every night I went to bed with silent prayers in my heart for the brave souls who had confided their deepest darkest secrets with me.  It was a lot to take in.
There were so many secrets I was not able to share, simply because the week wasn’t long enough.
But their stories touched my heart, and they will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
Now it’s your turn.
We want to hear your secrets,
to remind us that
this is your chance…
{you can link up for the rest of December}
You can grab your very own Secret Series Button on the right sidebar:
Simply copy the code, then got to “add a gadget” in your blogger dashboard, then add “html”, then paste the code, then click “save” {that’s it}!